Every emotion I had grasped in my mind from the beginning to end was just aspiring dishonesty. Is it that I wished it was false or was my vague memory creating another sugar-coated scenario? But, this was not sweet. My mind was no longer set to correct my actions. My heart, or what was left in tact ran as far as it could to shelter. But, there was no shelter. My life was wide open as it always had been...but his was not. It never would be. It was not that he lied, but was completely honest. He said he loved me. I was screaming inside. “How could you do this to me...again?” I was always his rubble of emotions to throw out when it was too much for him to handle. Life itself was way beyond his reach. I could never comprehend this about him. All I ever wanted to do was love him. But, without his mind being clear he himself would never be present in love or any situation for the matter, and he would soon disappear. Extinct to the society where love was the farthest, but yet greatest reward. It was not an excuse. Not this time. Not ever. I guilted at these words.
How could I damage him anymore than he already claimed to be? He could say that it was not me. It did no use. I always grasped the thought that I could **** one’s self worth. It was not my intention. I spent so long blaming it on love. I was right. How else could I betray the one friend that made my life a shameless place for me to show self expression? I did it for him. He held my heart to a higher amount than his own.