what was it like to sleep
with your head on subway stairs?
hair tangling with the days
unwashed
skin hugging around your bones
its hard to imagine
you ever being lonely

you rest your head now on anything
on windows, on streets, in your hands
lashes matted down that blink
like moth flutters
just searching for constants
something more than collapsing veins
pleading red and purple forgiveness

my baby girl, you say
the way it felt when i first held you
i kissed you on the small of your back
your elbows and toes
you were my only whole moment
your head resting on me
like i was sturdy enough to let you dream
and god
my laugh made you laugh
my smile made you smile

but now most days i cant remember
the last time i saw you
or if i can stop seeing you
as a tourist in my life
and we have years of money missing
out of socks
out of secret hiding spots
im tired of hiding

i don't know how
to restart the heart when
i put it to an end