Tonight there is no light
My soul is gun metal black
Itchy and rusty
Bullet bite rage
Furious haze
Of righteous indignation

Tension touches the trigger
If you figure
One word will make me burst
One syllable from those
Who hurt me worse
All that degradation

Facing myself in the mirror
I stare in fear
Knowing that though they
Incur my rage
It is myself I truly hate
For never being good enough
To keep those I love
Near

I watch them all disappear
Some die, some walk away
And somewhere never really there
No matter what they say
I am betrayed
But not by them
By the ****** mess that beats within
Dragging me out of my shell
To push me back in again

So, I take all this anger and pain
Channel it to the positive
Exercise and writing
How exciting and frightening
Knowing I will always love again
Despite how I vow to abstain
I am always courting
That hopeful pain