Black coffee with nothing
But ginger
I think this was the first morning
I woke up with less difficulty
My dreams less haunted, convoluted
Scrolling through the internet morning
Comforting sounds.

You seem to appear when I least want you to
Your pictures and movements forward
Testing and driving me on
I want to look like the old hollywood queen of the ball
Tonight.

A new year
Our generation so jokingly states: "New Year, New ME!"
I don't know that I will be new
As if torn out of a barbie doll box for the first time
Because I have seen, done, heard, lived so much
In just a mere 25 years
But I with a slight weariness
I did, I made a list
And I know I gotta make that bank
I gotta push forward
I gotta make strides
Without you or him by my side.

Because you cannot force it
You shouldn't have to chase it
I shouldn't deny or convince my inner most feelings
So I lie in my Chicago bed alone, late into the night
Most nights
And glad of it.

The sun greeted me this morning
As if predicting some poetry
I don't intend to sleep tonight
But I do intend to not seek you out
To not hope or long for you in the lights of the city
Because it was never, ever about you
I reassure myself through out the day
But sometimes I wish I could erase your existence
From the watery well of my mind.

First time without an Alabama ball dropping
I don't know what to expect
But I do what I can to better my spirit, my soul
My heart, my mind, my body.

Evolving, changing, growing
Flourishing.
I've never felt such strong instincts about a new year.
Not because I am new
Or because I didn't say or do that
But because
Its all just on the brink
Of beginning
For me.