I use people like people use drugs
Like other people are my drugs, like I get high on their attention, addicted to their presence and go through major withdrawal when I'm suddenly left alone if there has always been someone at my disposal.
But somehow at the same time I hate them. Yet I can't bring myself to live without them.
I use people, abuse people, to forget.
Because if I'm not constantly building unsteady, low budget bridges in my head and telling myself they mean something to me and vise versa then I'm reminded, haunted, by the ghosts of the present, showing me how many of my nightmares can come to life in the blink of an eye.
But somehow at the same time I find myself wanting to scream "just shut up already!!" In the faces of those closest to me
Like I wanna be mad at you for not noticing when I'm sad even though I've given no indication that I'm sad
Like I've staged a suicide to prove you'd save me but then purposefully didn't invite you to the show and I'm sorry
I'd call this a cry for hep but I've been crying too **** long so it's a warning signal
Like, hi hello sorry to bother you but I'm currently imploding so if you could step back a few spaces that would be great, sorry for the inconvenience and thank you for your time