Someone asked how old I am,
and this was my reply;
“I’m about as old as the dirt
that’ll cover me when I die.”

I’m the oldest dead person living,
according to Guinness’s book.
A record once held by a bible guy,
but one from him I took.

Friends who have all gone before
                  wonder if they should fret.
They think I’ve likely gone to hell,
‘cause I’m not in heaven yet.

I have grandkids in rest homes.
They don’t mind it there.
But when I go to visit
you should see the people stare.

Went to a senior Citizen’s club
‘til the day that I was told,
“Sorry, but you can’t come back
because you’re too **** old.”

At my last birthday party,
all the candles lit the sky
Fourteen cakes to hold ‘em all…
Three fire trucks stopped by..


So, you want to know how old I am?
Well, that’s just too dang bad
At my age I can’t remember squat,
and really….I’m kinda’ glad.