but how many times did we count days
      apart
only to forget
what day it really is
when we're together

         that's scary to me.

is my life wasting away      
     merging into space
                  am i losing touch
with what i used to
           believe was my destiny.

how many times did we find ourselves
producing more
                out of less
and less out of more
what little frustration we had
        pounded into its older cousin
anger
what little jealousy we felt
                      poured over fights that
boiled out of nothing
that stirred
out of a lot of love
            and bitterness
but mostly                  strong
unapologetic love
that blurred
a thousand nights
      together
as one
as        one.

but i wanted myself
as a whole field
    i wanted myself
in my entirety
i       wanted myself
wholly me

                   not some passing field
on this destination of
                                     forever together
not some
                phase of life before we blossomed into one
not losing one to become one.