this one's to say i love you
now and ever
this one's to say my lies
are only fever.

im drunk and this might not make any sense
but i will drop the veil,
abandon the pretence
and say i love you,
not to you of course
i dont think i am strong enough
to face remorse

you boast, you lie, you're confident as ****.
im awkward, i am pretty, i'd say very drunk.

you're happy, you dont bother
why should i?
oh yeah, that's right
i am a female
i am never fine.
im always overthinking
always analysing
the words you say
the nouns, the verbs
what you're disguising

The chains you put on me
dragging me down
the pain you caused
is eating me alive
but i stay calm

i need you
please oh be with me
oh please
i know i am not good enough
i'd rather you would **** me
make it easy.

i scratch my head
and pull my hair
i run my fingers down my chest
i think of you
i think of us
i drown, i crumble
im your chess.

your name
i wish i could just say your name aloud
and not be scared
i want to scream your name
but i wont yet.
i'd wait
i'd wait until the very end
and say your name under my breath
i hate this.
i hate every moment, every second
but i want "us".  
but i love you
so i am fine
and merry christmas.