She tells me she likes Wonderland,
I tell her, “Just take my hand,
I will lead you through this forgotten dream,
Just remember; things aren’t what they seem.”

First we come to Tweedledee and Tweedledum,
She laughed, “One ******* on each thumb.”
Next we see the caterpillar,
Slowly his words they slur,

Asking me where I met with her.
All of a sudden there comes a purr,
Enter the Cheshire cat,
Swooping in like a turned up bat.

Grinning there from ear to ear,
Whispering for no one to hear.
Now four friends we have met,
How much do you want to bet,

The next one is the brown March Hare?
Cheshire says “He is not there.”
I gently lift my cap,
Giving it a light tap-tap,

Suddenly we’re up to five.
Just as we all start to jive,
We see White Rabbit racing by.
“Oh me, oh my”, we hear him cry.

Now that silly rabbit we do stalk,
Giving us little chance to talk.
Suddenly we hear a rustling noise,
We’re ambushed by the Red Queen’s boys.

They take us to her royal palace,
Queen O’ Heart’s sits there; her look of malice.
I take her hand in mine,
Fingers wrapping like a vine.

“Together we can beat this Queen of Heart’s,
Using just our wile and smarts,
For you see,
I’m mad as any hatter could ever be.”

I take off my hat and give it a whirl,
Magically my plan begins to unfurl.
Like a tornado I got it to spin,
It ****** the Red Queen right on in.

She huffed, she puffed, and she started to shout,
But my hat decided to shoot her right out.
She was launched to the stars,
Past Jupiter and Mars.

Leaving Wonderland to her,
And me, her Mad Hatter, sir.