Quiet heart
Gray day
Rain falls outside
And the memory
Of the rains
That came on so fast
And lasted so long
Returns
And yet
Peace
So long elusive
Has been returned to me
And I, blessed with solitude
Examine these memories
Of the rain
With my magnifying glass
To find
The rain does not mean anger anymore
There was a past
There will be a future
And both have had – will have – their hurts
There are scars
Real and imaginary
But they paint the picture of the whole
They are my reality
And reality, scraped and bruised as it may be
Is greater than fantasy
The remembrance of old dreams
In moments like these
Once a burden too intense to bear
Now becomes a comfort
Like a cup of coffee
Or an old friend
A favorite sweater
The knowledge that the person I have been
Somehow – is still
The person that I am.
That, despite it all, I have never stopped being
This person, real and flawed and whole.
And to say that there was never pain
Or love – returned and unrequited
Unspoken –
To say that there was never heartbreak
Or longing
Or a moment when I would have given anything
To lead an easier life
Would be a lie
Humanity – I have it.
Life – I’ve lived it.
And there’s still always more to come, but
Perspective
Is something I’ve been needing for so long
And have finally found.
So I sit here
Alone with the memories of the rains
And I listen to the voice of a younger pain
But I don’t return entirely
I never will return again, entirely
To that place where I have been.
Love has been.
Love will someday be.
But the peace comes from knowing
That love is – that love exists
Ephemerally, unknowingly, unwittingly, unconditionally
Now.