Exhale the day, this morning
Last night whiskey touches
Out of my worn out lips.

An abundance of words to utter
Theres just no way I can concoct them all
Into the perfect Eutopia inspired cocktail.

A flash of a moment in the deep pits of my mind
A diner, new beginnings, friends in love
In front of us, sweatshirts with birds
Pie, eggs, you paid for
We snuggled and we nestled
Like we were building
Could build
Wanted to build
What does it matter?
Birds nest.

I will forever have the image of our bodies necking and breaking
In my room mates mirror
Forever imprinted like an icon
Or piece of memorabilia
In the waking waves of my mind.

"You give notes in your poetry"
Sometimes the words that come out of you
Fill me with surprise and wonder,
I find myself on the edge of my seat
Listening, wanting, but as if through a megaphone
Pom poms, and my little skirt
You long to pull up with your elegant hands
Stockings slipping from my ankles
Pig tails in your other hand
What erotica, church choirs would sing
Remember that line of poetry you wrote
That I was your deepest *******?
I can't quite remember the exact line
But it probably didn't rhyme
Because I wear white lingerie
Champagne bottles waltzing
As your tie clip no longer resides
Where I created the essence of a musical ******
****** beating booming heart.

You don't appear in my bed tonight
Or touch me as I avert my eyes
The word love used so dearly
I think of life and death
Of how precious it all is
Of regret and guilt
Of all the moments in my life
I see horrific moments and theatrical horror
Parade and play out in my mind, so specifically
So intricately, so realistically
Only to disappear and disappear as I snap myself out of it

If I could get a pair of scissors and slice a piece of my brain off
I would hand approximately 1/3 of it to you--
But just to borrow
Because you understand
Geese, swans, mermaids, moon beams
And all my complexities
As I said and felt like I could genuinely paint
All of the loss in me, around me
Away.

This poem is getting long as ****.
Chicago parties so much
Haunting moments or things I wish I could un-know
I move past them, I move past them
Like every moment your eyes change in tone, mood
When you think of me underneath
Someone else.

I wish
I wish a lot of things
But
I don't know
This poem is really too long now
I'm glad you intend to keep me
So just do.