i'm the abandoned streets
winter's lack of heat, darkness
at 3:45 am, the moonlight reflected
on the snow, just sparkling, pulling
marijuana smoke from my lungs

i'm candy coloured lights on a fake
christmas tree, spent hours unfurling
the branches, dangling spirit unto them
without care, forcing hot chocolate down
my gullet like it was the only familial
connection i'd ever be allowed a part in

i'm the dead heat of summer, where it's
just too hard to move, and even though
the air conditioning is functioning and the
sunlight seems so pleasant, it's just too hard
to rub my whole body down with sunscreen
and find shorts to wear and find a tank top
to wear and find a way to make my sweat
appealing to anyone who might see me out walking

i'm the night time, wide awake from sun down
to sun up, doing nothing, a trance state from
moon to moon, for gods and messages from god
i'm the studying for hours for no reason except
it's something to do and i'm not tired, i'm so tired
but i'm chugging coffee cup after coffee cup and
contemplating the best time to start pretending
that my life is fine for just a moment of peace before
i allow sleep to take me, the fantasy of reality
where i am as important as i want to be, my fingers
under the covers because even though i am alone
i am ashamed i might see myself touching myself
an anti-****** where i am one with my shadow