I understand all the unhealthy relationships now
I understand enduring all this ****
I want to invest all my time and love into someone
who gives me nothing back
in hopes for isolated 'happy' moments.

In hopes to retrieve that frozen idea
That intense flame or spark
Preserve it
Make it last
Let it eat me alive
Just so it can live on
So that the burning is the last thing I'll feel

So I don't have to stop relying on you
So I won't have to stop indulging in this madness.
I don't have to be happy all the time
As long as you just keep feeding me enough
that I know what it tastes like

String me along so I believe
Deprive me of good treatment
So every small gesture seems like a gift from God
Become my God
Let me worship you
Let me beg at your feet while you act humble
Like you don't deserve this
That you didn't ask for this
That I am somehow equal to you
Even when I'm on my knees

Lash out at me when you're unhappy
Don't ask me how I feel.
Let me lick your wounds
Even when I'm the one bleeding.
Let me feel guilty for walking out
On the person who lashed me in the first place.

Tell me all the white lies in the world
Slip around words like commitment
While making mediocrity and misery sound so, so sweet.
Tell me you see a future
Don't promise me you're present
Don't promise me your presence

Make yourself feel like a gift
And you could have never made me think this way,
Because you hate yourself so **** much right?
You need me, you need my support
I am your angel
I am your saving grace
You make me feel so. ****. special.
Except when you don't.

Inject me full of jealousy and call it
my fault when I overdose,
Or spill over,
Or reveal anything resembling romance,
Or wanting your affection.

Tell me about your ex-girlfriend and how she hurt you
Now tell me how you get along
Tell me how she's your best friend
Tell me she's in love with someone else
How you wish to be the guy ******* her
Tell me how she deserves so much better
Tell me it's all in my head.

******* it Sam,
hit me
Just ******* hit me,
Hit me!
It would hurt less,
It would give me a reason to walk away.

I wish I hadn't met you
Because it would have meant
I would have never fallen for you
It would mean I wouldn't be stuck
with the thought of you forever.
You will always be a 'what if'.

You have to be the villian, Sam,
Or you will always be the one who got away.
I'm not sure which is worse,
Both seem impossible to forget.
At least one I have a reason to walk away from.
There is a foreseeable end in sight.

But I'm not really going to leave.
...I understand all the unhealthy relationships now.
And I am so, so scared.