he liked my hair long so I cut it all off. i don't regret this. i've thrown out all of the clothes i used to wear, the ones that lived on his bedroom floor. i don't regret this. sometimes you have to burn yourself to the ground to forget someone ever touched you, sometimes you have to become nothing before you can be something again. that's okay. i've ruined every place he's ever been before his memory could ruin it first. i shed the skin he touched but it took months for new skin to form, i was raw and i was sensitive and it wasn't pretty. it needed to happen, though. i needed to be raw. and sensitive. and most of all: untouched. i want to forget it but i don't, i want to remember. i want to stay angry. i want to hold onto my anger forever, i want to start a revolution with it. i burned myself to the ground and now it's his turn. i shouldn't have had to deal with this as long as i have, i have been punished enough for a crime i did not commit; a crime i did not deserve. i need to teach myself to believe that: i did not deserve this. this is not my fault. it's hard to stomach that someone you used to love is a monster but it's harder to stomach a lie. even now, a year later, i'm still protecting him. subconsciously. it's a natural reflex for me, but i don't need to do that anymore. he doesn't deserve my protection, i am strong and i am powerful but not for him. never again. i don't want to be afraid anymore. i am strong, i can do this. i'm going to tell everyone what he did, because i don't need to feel ashamed of it anymore. i never did.