“My good bold sir,
Your words flatter me like a gift of myrrh.
I am humbled that I am the subject of your affection
Now prepare thyself for a little rejection.
You consider yourself a decent man, good and just,
So, please explain your unchecked lust.
You dare address me in such a way,
How can you look at your wife every day?
I don’t know what I did to give you a false impression,
I don’t like you; get over your obsession.
You talk about the ticking, proceeding time,
What you suggest is, to me, a crime.
Let me throw a stone at your house of glass
The women out there are numerous like blades of grass.
If to your wife you are not true,
What does that foretell about a relationship twixt me and you?
The lust of men leaves me forever vexed
If you love me now, who will be next?
I’ll say it now and it’s been said before:
All good things in life are worth waiting for.”

The “coy mistress,” coy no more,
Leaving him to massage his pride so sore.
She takes up the abandoned pen
And writes a few more words to him.

“I am sorry that this has been a misunderstood mess
But, I am now giving my father your address.
I am so pleased that you consider this exchange fun
Now he will come after you with an army and a gun.
I do not like you, you slimy toad
Now, if I were you, I’d hit the road.

-Very truly (not really) yours,
The Girl That Is Yours No More”