The thought that brings
a lump in my throat and
paleness to my already fair skin
Is
The words and phrase
Going
To bed
In
Tears.
I did it all the time.
I feel for children who
use their mattress as
their anchor,
the comforter as the
Shield,
and pillows as the
arms of whom they imagine
will come.
Sleeping it off is how I would
forgive and forget
my actions and how they were used
as weapons to
others.
I couldn’t shield due to lack of knowing.
I would be so angry and my own
family cried themselves to sleep
some nights.
Sleepless nights were only helped
by talking to God from the windowpane
and seeing the moon and stars
twinkle along and dance in the dark blue
Sky.
These nights these days I tuck myself in.
Leave my anger to stay with the prior morning
and my dangerous thoughts to hold it
and stop making a merry-go-round
out of my head.
I just lay,
I own my bed.
It is my ship.
I sail wherever I want in my dreams.
I always dreamed of being welcome by others.
I’m always welcome in
my own bed in my own room.