Dec 2015
Uh Hi?
I love you. I'm sorry if it took so long for me to say it back because I was scared. I was so so terrified of the idea of being the one in love. I used to think that I was a romantic, and a hopeless one at that. I used to think about how I wanted that great kind of love, something that was for the books and for those cliche romantic comedy that I am somewhat addicted to. But now, actually experiencing it first-hand, I am so scared. I felt ashamed and clueless. It was weird. I didn't want to admit it to myself at first because actually loving someone scares me. I didn't have any clue on what to do. You seem to know more about love so I felt like the bad guy because you have always told me that you loved me and you showed me quite a few times too. But I still haven't proved anything because like I said, I didn't know what to do.
August 10, 2015.
That's when I knew that I was in for it. That I was down for whatever it is that we have. I wouldn't call it a commitment or an exclusive relationship but it was something. You became my favorite habit. A habit that I couldn't quit even when I try to(trust me there were countless of times). It sounds corny but it is true.
Countless of times I was hurt. There were days when I could literally feel my heart throb. I knew that there were girls that you have loved in the past and the idea of having to think that they were better with you and you were better at loving them than me really ***** the worst in me. You were also so honest with everything and there were nights when I want nothing but to cry. Just cry. To be honest there was a time when I felt like giving up, that was when I didn't know how to love bad parts of you but now I realize that I have to love them too even when it hurts, even when it feels like hell because I love you. I love the idea of being in love with you because with whatever reason I have, all I know is that I have to keep going because you are one of the few people who actually makes me feel sane. I used to be a mess believe me. I used to hate life. I used to cry a lot. I used to want to be somebody else and exist in another place. I was in a dark place. I'm really crying right now because I hate remembering how I used to feel. I was so filled with love but at the same time I was empty. So so empty. I knew that there was a God, that there someone who could help me, believe me I've always tried. I was good at hiding so no one knew except for one person. But when I met you, all of the things that I used to feel, I was beginning to forget about them. Really. I am beyond thankful because going back here in the Philippines it made me realize a lot of things about myself and about the world I live in. I was thankful for everything that has happened. I fell in love with Jesus Christ all over again and it was honestly the best feeling ever. You somewhat inspired me in so many but little ways. At first what pulled me closer to you was your confidence, the moment I met you, you sounded like the guy who knew what to do, who was different. I know how I'm complicated and how I keep a lot of things but sorry because that's all I'll ever be. I can't promise to change but I swear that I'll try because know, at my young age, I want to experience having to unbottle myself for a person that I genuinely love. I'm not just doing it for you, I'm doing it for myself.
I love you. I'm sorry if it took so long for me to say it back because I was scared. I was so so terrified of the idea of being the one in love. I used to think that I was a romantic, and a hopeless one at that. I used to think about how I wanted that great kind of love, something that was for the books and for those cliche romantic comedy that I am somewhat addicted to. But now, actually experiencing it first-hand, I am so scared. I felt ashamed and clueless. It was weird. I didn't want to admit it to myself at first because actually loving someone scares me. I didn't have any clue on what to do. You seem to know more about love so I felt like the bad guy because you have always told me that you loved me and you showed me quite a few times too. But I still haven't proved anything because like I said, I didn't know what to do.
August 10, 2015.
That's when I knew that I was in for it. That I was down for whatever it is that we have. I wouldn't call it a commitment or an exclusive relationship but it was something. You became my favorite habit. A habit that I couldn't quit even when I try to(trust me there were countless of times). It sounds corny but it is true.
Countless of times I was hurt. There were days when I could literally feel my heart throb. I knew that there were girls that you have loved in the past and the idea of having to think that they were better with you and you were better at loving them than me really ***** the worst in me. You were also so honest with everything and there were nights when I want nothing but to cry. Just cry. To be honest there was a time when I felt like giving up, that was when I didn't know how to love bad parts of you but now I realize that I have to love them too even when it hurts, even when it feels like hell because I love you. I love the idea of being in love with you because with whatever reason I have, all I know is that I have to keep going because you are one of the few people who actually makes me feel sane. I used to be a mess believe me. I used to hate life. I used to cry a lot. I used to want to be somebody else and exist in another place. I was in a dark place. I'm really crying right now because I hate remembering how I used to feel. I was so filled with love but at the same time I was empty. So so empty. I knew that there was a God, that there someone who could help me, believe me I've always tried. I was good at hiding so no one knew except for one person. But when I met you, all of the things that I used to feel, I was beginning to forget about them. Really. I am beyond thankful because going back here in the Philippines it made me realize a lot of things about myself and about the world I live in. I was thankful for everything that has happened. I fell in love with Jesus Christ all over again and it was honestly the best feeling ever. You somewhat inspired me in so many but little ways. At first what pulled me closer to you was your confidence, the moment I met you, you sounded like the guy who knew what to do, who was different. I know how I'm complicated and how I keep a lot of things but sorry because that's all I'll ever be. I can't promise to change but I swear that I'll try because know, at my young age, I want to experience having to unbottle myself for a person that I genuinely love. I'm not just doing it for you, I'm doing it for myself.
TO BE CONTINUED NOT YET FINISHED
