I expected something like memories,
lost eyelashes marking the paths
where our laughter bounced off of buildings
disturbed birds and audacious shouts

Something within me said, yes,
this is the feeling, this is what I was waiting for
blue eyes and full lips
Hair as beautiful as your hands
white teeth, beautiful back

But as the day dripped by
slowly like molasses from my fingertips
I heard nothing
not a smile, not a sigh
not a look from your eyes, not a sideways grin

I did not hold your hand
or run my fingers down your side
I did not touch your lips
or bump thighs on the sidewalk

because you do not exist

or you did not, in the moment that i wanted
and now i hardly think
you ever will have the chance again
the water that was my soul
is resealed in its tupperware

and the dolphins in my pockets
have been erased away just a little bit more
fade fade fade

fade until there is no more
fade until it's all rock hard

like cauterized nerve endings

and hollow cheek bones

and the names in my pocket book of **** yous.