Dec 2015
First of all this is not a poem
this isn't something that should look beautiful
this isn't something you should relate to
Romantic is something it's not, among other things
because this will be about you
Second if this is about you I'll start with a few
a few of this and a few of that
the day you told me you loved me
and the day you held my hand tightly
so tight that you could've broken my wrist
But maybe not tight enough to make me believe in all of this
Third our first kiss
when you and I were both shocked
because yes
What the hell just happened
time stole our first but it was still a bliss
The way your eyes widened when our lips should've missed
and I whose heart pounded but became calm in the end of it
Fourth the first time you broke me
it was about her
the one you told me
the girl you loved with all you had
the girl who made you into something you should not have been
Fifth with all the things I have seen
an abandoned building in a human being
I knew from the very start what I had to do
I knew that it would wreck me
but I thought what better way to lose myself than to
break my own glass and give it you
Six it has been 19 months of breaking and fixing and stitching
and I have given you my all
but ******* it still isn't enough to build up your walls
Can't you see that my hands are bleeding
I've picked up all your shards but you just keep leaving
Seven you tell me I'm beautiful but I'll never be able to believe you
you've proven to me too many times that I'm not going to be as beautiful as her and I guess that's okay because
I'm the empty spaces in a painting
the void in every universe
the gap beneath rotting bones
the perfect definition of nothing
the time when Earth has run its course
Eight the number of times I've tried to unlove you and the number of times I knew what dying felt like
It isn't easy and it isn't pretty
you start becoming someone else when you pretend; someone ugly
I took a shot at pretending because I thought maybe if I pretended long enough to not love you anymore
it would become real
And the world would open some new doors
but i guess i was wrong because
Nine. The number of times I chose to love you more than I had to
the number of times I wanted to be blind of all the things that you do
But I never wanted to be blind around you either
because with you I always saw art
but the only art for you was her
I fell in love with your ways and how you light up my day
I fell in love with your soul
which actually feels like being a supermassive blackhole
Because blackholes are destructive the more they consume
the more they explode
and maybe that's what im becoming because
Ten. I love you now and I loved you then
enough with these words that won't even make sense
because when I'm done with this
there will be no more of us left
This is a actually a proper death
a proper way to end everything
a proper way of losing
These words won't be sufficient to make you feel the things I want you feel
But these words are the only way to make it seem real
you loved me because I reminded you of her
and she left you so what does that leave me to do?
I was never meant to be yours or maybe you weren't meant to be mine
Whatever way we will be fine
but before I end this I need to tell you one last time
it was my soul that you were holding
and I'll never regret giving you my pieces,because for you myself was worth breaking
If I could go back I still wouldn't
the only thing I'll go back to is number eight
Because now it's wrong
today it's my ninth time of dying.
this isn't something that should look beautiful
this isn't something you should relate to
Romantic is something it's not, among other things
because this will be about you
Second if this is about you I'll start with a few
a few of this and a few of that
the day you told me you loved me
and the day you held my hand tightly
so tight that you could've broken my wrist
But maybe not tight enough to make me believe in all of this
Third our first kiss
when you and I were both shocked
because yes
What the hell just happened
time stole our first but it was still a bliss
The way your eyes widened when our lips should've missed
and I whose heart pounded but became calm in the end of it
Fourth the first time you broke me
it was about her
the one you told me
the girl you loved with all you had
the girl who made you into something you should not have been
Fifth with all the things I have seen
an abandoned building in a human being
I knew from the very start what I had to do
I knew that it would wreck me
but I thought what better way to lose myself than to
break my own glass and give it you
Six it has been 19 months of breaking and fixing and stitching
and I have given you my all
but ******* it still isn't enough to build up your walls
Can't you see that my hands are bleeding
I've picked up all your shards but you just keep leaving
Seven you tell me I'm beautiful but I'll never be able to believe you
you've proven to me too many times that I'm not going to be as beautiful as her and I guess that's okay because
I'm the empty spaces in a painting
the void in every universe
the gap beneath rotting bones
the perfect definition of nothing
the time when Earth has run its course
Eight the number of times I've tried to unlove you and the number of times I knew what dying felt like
It isn't easy and it isn't pretty
you start becoming someone else when you pretend; someone ugly
I took a shot at pretending because I thought maybe if I pretended long enough to not love you anymore
it would become real
And the world would open some new doors
but i guess i was wrong because
Nine. The number of times I chose to love you more than I had to
the number of times I wanted to be blind of all the things that you do
But I never wanted to be blind around you either
because with you I always saw art
but the only art for you was her
I fell in love with your ways and how you light up my day
I fell in love with your soul
which actually feels like being a supermassive blackhole
Because blackholes are destructive the more they consume
the more they explode
and maybe that's what im becoming because
Ten. I love you now and I loved you then
enough with these words that won't even make sense
because when I'm done with this
there will be no more of us left
This is a actually a proper death
a proper way to end everything
a proper way of losing
These words won't be sufficient to make you feel the things I want you feel
But these words are the only way to make it seem real
you loved me because I reminded you of her
and she left you so what does that leave me to do?
I was never meant to be yours or maybe you weren't meant to be mine
Whatever way we will be fine
but before I end this I need to tell you one last time
it was my soul that you were holding
and I'll never regret giving you my pieces,because for you myself was worth breaking
If I could go back I still wouldn't
the only thing I'll go back to is number eight
Because now it's wrong
today it's my ninth time of dying.
