The crowd howls as Simon Cowell
is shaved by old Philip Schofield.
But at the end of the act it’s thumbs down,
and so of course it’s off with their sad heads.  

Hunt for another missing child.
The family is underwhelmed by turnout.
Everyone sits comfortably on couches,
and sheds the occasional wee tear.  

Man shaves in the morning
and has coffee then back to bed.
Everyone sits on the edge of their seats.
The reviews speak of the miracle.