Nov 2015
It's ironic really
That I can never write my feelings down, until I'm crying so hard I can't see the paper and my hand trembles worse than my fathers body during withdrawals
After many years of wasted water I finally realized taking three showers a day wouldn't wash this depression from my skin. They say things will get better with time but I think the arms on my clock have Alzheimer's because they keep moving backwards and it seems to be a perfect representation of my life. I once found out that my boyfriend watched **** and I forgave him but I didn't realize every time a movie was on I would imagine his eyes glued to the actresses naked body.... I wanted to be that naked body. It's insane what insecurities can do to a person. I think my father failed to tell me I was beautiful because I didn't warm his soul like the ******* did but I swear I could have if I had the chance. But my chances left at the same time he did and lately I've concluded that I need to stop blaming myself for him leaving. I need to stop blaming myself for not being that naked body in the pictures. I've realized that no amount of warmth and comfort can stop me from crying tears that I should have cried years ago and opening umbrellas inside isn't going to shield me from the amount of rain this world brings. Dream catchers won't catch my bad dreams anymore-I'm just too old. Or maybe I've never been old enough. I lost my innocence at the age of 5 when my mother told me my father was in jail. I lost it again at age 15 when I didn't object to a grown man stripping me of my dignity and virginity, because I wanted to be a beautiful naked body. And now I am that naked body, wasting water by taking 3 showers a day because I need to wash this depression off my skin, I've got to get it out of my skin.
That I can never write my feelings down, until I'm crying so hard I can't see the paper and my hand trembles worse than my fathers body during withdrawals
After many years of wasted water I finally realized taking three showers a day wouldn't wash this depression from my skin. They say things will get better with time but I think the arms on my clock have Alzheimer's because they keep moving backwards and it seems to be a perfect representation of my life. I once found out that my boyfriend watched **** and I forgave him but I didn't realize every time a movie was on I would imagine his eyes glued to the actresses naked body.... I wanted to be that naked body. It's insane what insecurities can do to a person. I think my father failed to tell me I was beautiful because I didn't warm his soul like the ******* did but I swear I could have if I had the chance. But my chances left at the same time he did and lately I've concluded that I need to stop blaming myself for him leaving. I need to stop blaming myself for not being that naked body in the pictures. I've realized that no amount of warmth and comfort can stop me from crying tears that I should have cried years ago and opening umbrellas inside isn't going to shield me from the amount of rain this world brings. Dream catchers won't catch my bad dreams anymore-I'm just too old. Or maybe I've never been old enough. I lost my innocence at the age of 5 when my mother told me my father was in jail. I lost it again at age 15 when I didn't object to a grown man stripping me of my dignity and virginity, because I wanted to be a beautiful naked body. And now I am that naked body, wasting water by taking 3 showers a day because I need to wash this depression off my skin, I've got to get it out of my skin.
