One day my hands will settle inside themselves.
I feel most free in the dark where there are dozens of bodies
and no one knows me. I’m trying to text this boy
but my nails are wet with paint. When scientists tell me
there is the possibility of another universe I think yes
and I am better in it. I want fresh flowers on every table
and for tomorrow to be a gentler crime scene. My twenties
are teaching me that no one is ever as busy as they say they are.
Like, honestly, where you going with all that debt, honey?
I don’t know how to describe my kind of loneliness.
Maybe open wound, maybe stepping into a dress
with a broken zipper. I wish my lips weren’t dry for attention
I wish I was tough and hard like men. I know exactly
what you mean when you say you can’t wait to get out of here
but you're here now because money because god or fate
or whatever. Sometimes I just want to say what I actually
******* mean. For someone who thinks she knows it all
I say I don’t know a lot to save my own ***. Am I crying
on this bus right now or is that just the sun. I go
an even darker shade of brown. I go and hide the body
which is really just my body. My friends say self-sabotage
and I say honest. During the quietest hour, it rains.
My heart is full. J pulls up in his car. I am lucky
and the night is behind us, laughing.
— Girl, Why Your Heart Leaking Like That?