Ive never been in to selecting pain.
naturally not
a woman that chooses to suffer.
three times birthing another,
the transition so temporary,
this pain I sit in.

the tension in relations
though
have always been my escape.
from here, your mind seems so far.
confuses me naturally
as I want to just understand who you are.
why… the attraction, the singular pull
to you.

you hold back, intentionally
because you choose too.
and I see, I see….
I just cannot reciprocate.
nor relate. my heart grows in your absence.

I may know its just practice,
my heart whispering, just practice
the dance of give and take, of
patience.
just allow what is, in this very moment.

so in this moment, an apple tree winks at me
the crimson art show reminds me
my garden grows slow as fall peaks
the ground still alive.
in this moment the air breathes
she embraces me, tells me she loves me
for you.
she knows its what I need.
to hear I Love You keeps me here,
free to keep doing my work,
the LOVE calling me home…
I longing to answer.

my suffering always related to love.
its where I choose, repeatedly,
to embrace pain for the heart.
I can stand in the rain and
receive the downpour of You.
at night, when it dries
I sit in deep thought...

my virgo is rising
the star self conflicted
by water and earth.
knowing what it is to flow
and to stand ones ground,
open to change over time
as the river beats the rough edges down
to dust…
molding the strict rules of dirt.

ultimately
things will be.
I will finally see, the questions settled.
you will still be there,
either consciously next to me
or off on your journey.
ultimately, I will be free
of the need to have anything that keeps me
here, interested and invested in now.
you keep my mouth, my heart, my mind
here,

now I will move to the next moment.
holding thought of you close.
wishing you were right here
so I can read this to you.
so I can press my lips upon you,
and whisper my whole self to you,
and you, the first…

the chance to not be misunderstood.