You're my best friend and
I don't even think before calling you that
even in front of people who
might feel like they deserve that title

but you're fading into the background of my life
slowly but
burning bright
I see you there but you
never come forward
so I know it's not me
that's letting you leave it's
you
leaving
on your own

this isn't how it was supposed to go, you were
supposed to be
everything to me we were
supposed to be maids of honour
for each other
if we weren't each others' brides
I don't want to imagine a world
where you aren't as important to me as you were
that summer,
your head in my lap and
my heart in your hands
the sun dancing around us and,
later, us
dancing in the dark with
bright lights briefly outlining
young bodies that I didn't know
quite what to do with yet
(but I think you did)

and I won't lie and say I'm never jealous
of your perfect face and hair and body and brain
because I am
often but
I never begrudge you any of it I just
can sometimes barely function and you seem
so
put together and I wonder why
you keep me around

maybe you
finally started wondering
too