Be beautiful. Tory beautiful. This body is not mine, it is like I am the demon who just won't give my body back, exorcists won't work now. Handsome. Be handsome trent, broaden shoulders boyish figure happy smile. No need to pretend who you are. "Pretty", "cute", " beautiful" this isn't me I've worn my mask most of my seventeen years and Halloween has passed. Its time to be me. Be strong. Trent be strong, the edges of this dire masquerade are slowly peeling and my head is reeling body rumbles. More. More masculinity less femininity. She says this is who you are and who you have been to me. To me you are Trent. Scrub my teeth, my tongue, my mouth, rub my skin raw til I bleed that's how I know I will get Tory off of me. Clench my teeth sew my jaw shut, swallow the tears pooling in my eyes. I can't live in this lie. They make it their mission to make the wrong pronouns . Tory was just a mask I wore until Trent had enough strength to come out. Breathe. Trent breathe deeply forget who's staring back at you in the mirror. Play pretend your just a drag queen and the world is your runway for the day. Panic will rise inside your chest but you must swallow it. Be silent Trent be silent, they don't want to hear how this is not you. They've grown accustomed to the feminity, silent be silent . silence is what killed me last time and its not fair I have to glue my mouth shut because you are uncomfortable with who I am.