we met only a few months ago,
so really, even though you're my best friend,
my other half, miraculously found across an ocean,
it feels too early to tell you of my soul.
i cannot tell you yet how broken it is,
how i sometimes drown in its black oceans of nothing,
and how i can still feel now-invisible scars on my wrist.
i am afraid of losing you, and everyone else -
you are so new to me and to my life
that you still see me as a carefree child
when really, i stopped being her years ago,
way before i was allowed to drive or drink or vote.
you do not know the miles i have walked
to be where i am now, you do not know
how much blood and tears i have shed for myself.
it is too early yet to let you know all of me,
and i hope that when i do, it will not be too late,
but right now, my hope that you will see me
as someone who never broke is bigger,
and my fear of you not wanting to deal
with damaged goods is too strong.
it's too early yet to let you know how ****** up i am.