I could run right now.

Through the shivers and the smoke smells I realize with supreme clarity:

I could run away and not come back.

I could leave everything

my friends who don't need me

my family who loves me but can never understand,

I could take my solid seeing eyes out of my head

and wander blind

Alone

On my own

with nothing but a new journal without lines and

a couple of used postcards tucked in my pocket.

I could run through wheat fields and get strange tan lines

or I could shiver through the snow and sniff at the sinus problems that are sure to ensue.

I could scream till the birds scram

or I could listen to the silent sounds of the silver forests that are dripping with something serene.

I could lean against stone walls and watch waitresses and grocery boys shuffle past,

living the fast life

while I live the past life.

I could live with two dogs or one dog

or one person for a while but not

Forever.

I could feel the swell of loneliness in a city in something soft

and maybe feel my back press against the line of a stranger's chest.

I could run right now.