I feel crazy in ways that make me question the "correct" way to put on a toilet paper roll

Does the ply come over and around the top,
Or under and out the bottom?

When I was a young girl, I use to switch the rolls to where the ply came from the bottom because I thought it was "easier" that way.

Now I think it looks "nicer" when it's the other way, though.

I keep thinking about how bad my anxiety gets when I am riding in a car and someone else is driving.

(This obviously has a lot to do with the fact that I have lost far too many amazing and incredible and beautiful people to freak car accidents)

But I think it also has to do with the feeling of not being in control.
I think that aspect plays a great role in feeding in to that constant edge of fear...

On the edge of my seat,
Cringing due to the fact of knowing that at any minute, there is a real possibility that we could get into a terrible crash and die.

Cars **** people every single day, you know.
And usually young people.
(At least it always seems that way).

But part of my thought process revolves around me realizing that every single one of these people is loved deeply by at least one other person (living or dead).

I don't think it's the dying part that scares me so much,
But knowing how many people whom I love more than life who would be so dreadfully hurt, and in so much pain, if I were to ever die suddenly and unexpectedly in some horrible and unfortunate accident.

That's what really scares me…
Hurting the people I love.

I've felt that pain.
I know that hurt deeply.
And never would I ever wish it upon a person,
(No matter how much I might possibly despise them).

I think that I get so upset when people drive recklessly (even just a little bit) because (to me) they don't realize how ******* fragile everything is...

(Fragile; I've always like that word)

Don't people see how fragile it all is? How fragile and finite the life of a loved one is? How fragile and finite all life is in general?

I'm scared to death riding in cars with people
(More scared than I've ever been)
And I've been thinking a lot about it.

*One week into it and November has been "fragile" so far.