Do you know what its like to have your parents stare at you but their gaze pierces right through to where they cant even see you if they tried. Its as if for the past 17 years they have been living with a ghost. Someone to poke and **** and make the comments that made me take that bottle of anti depressants and pray to god I never woke again. "Heartless" how can I be heartless when I feel every jagged edged word spit like I was some abomination to be merely disowned, every "ungrateful child" muttered under your breath. You told me I haven't done anything for you since she died but I promise you I've done a lot more than you can comprehend. When the whole world felt like it was caving in on me I made sure to not let you see how it bent and mishaped me I hid where my tears of empty love and a broken home could not be heard by anyone but the blades that tempted me. And I wonder how long it will be just temptation when sobriety and clean from self harm can no longer be synonyms what does that make me? A walking contradiction. I want to be free of the nagging voice but yet I wanna feel the sting of metal I wanna feel the cold love it has to offer. Stop. The only love that I will ever truly need is when she holds me the only sting I need is from laughing to hard because she knows just how hard it is to breathe.