My life lives in a repeat.
I notice what I’m doing now, and since we’re so far along the track I just don’t know where to
Stop It.
            “You got a new friend, well I got homies, but in the end it’s still so lonely.”
And that’s exactly what I’m doing to myself.
My best friend lives 210 miles away – maybe that’s because I’ve always been afraid of letting anyone else closer.
I was getting there, diving deeper in, to relationships and lives that could have had the potential to be unforgettable.
                                                                                    Fear Won.
At the end of my days, I pushed everyone else further
                                                            Pushing everything away and at the same time,
                                                            The impacting force shoves me right back,
                                                            Falling off the hill I so diligently tried to climb up in the first place.
The worst part?
            Everything is subconscious.
Zero control over what was going on – what’s still going on.
                        And I still don’t know how to
                        Fix It.
I’ve been pushing and running for the longest time now. I’ve always worried about the future outcomes and the ones from the past.
            Never paying attention to the smiling faces Right In Front Of Me
                                                                                                  Which all leads to Disappointment.
                                                                                                  All within myself, and soon shows up
                                                                                                  physically and then shown in other faces.
                        The result of this mess?
                                    Overwhelmed.
                                    It builds up, piles up, on top of me and soon I can’t breathe.
                                    Then someone messes with a part of the stack near the bottom.
                                    And like a Jenga Puzzle – it all goes tumbling down.
            The girl under there has no chance of survival.
                                                She weeps, sleeps and doesn’t make a peep on days that are gray.
                                                                     Keeps to herself and secretly wishes someone would care.
                                                                     Things are well hidden and unless she frowns,
                                                                     Or makes a sound…                                no one will know.