Equivalent exchange is an easy concept to understand; you give something and something of greater or equal value is returned. So, I give up drinking then I get... Control. So, if I give up my life then a new one will come right after it, right? No, because we're human and we have to work for change and everything else. So equivalent exchange doesn't work because I can give up as much as I want but my ******* problems will keep on keeping on, no matter what I do. So, why bother? I literally have nothing to gain or lose, so why bother?

Yeah, my friends and family would say your life has meaning but that's some theoretical *******. The devil is the only sane one, he's like "yeah just end it and everything will be okay". It's so simple, it's genius. But I'm not suicidal, I just don't want to live or exist but I don't want to die. I know my life is bigger than this but it's hard to see, partly because I have nothing to look forward to anymore. The only thing I do is have *** and drink and that's it, but the more *** I have the more sad I feel and the more drinks I have to the more dumb I get. I'm just trying to hide my pain from myself, but that equivalent exchange law has nothing to offer me, so it just keeps giving me my pain and some more.