Towards the end, I thought it was right
I had known this was coming.
I was over it all; I was fine.
We had moved on, happily,
like nothing even happened to us.
But I remember a time when I broke down
crying because you left school early
for a weekend vacation.
You’re still here in the back of my mind.
I could ask you if you still felt anything,
but that wouldn’t be fair.
Not to you, not to me, not to anyone.
But I wish I could know that you were here…
Just in case…
What if I fall down?
You used to be there to pick me up.
Every time; without hesitation.
Now my safety net is so far away.
It’s tangled and twisted and
there are parts of it missing,
but it also has pieces that you never had.
We still talk as friends do,
but I used to call you “mine”.
After all of my world came down,
    there you were,
        still next to me,
            still smiling.
And now you’re gone.
Every time I see you
I hope you know what I’m feeling inside.
I used to say everything
and if I didn’t you would pry it out of me.
Now I say nothing.
You don’t ask, I don’t tell,
the words just stick in my mind.
I smile when we talk.  
I know it because once you walk away
my frown seems so much stronger.  
I’ve made such a mess of everything.
My thoughts consume me,
but you already knew that.
I’m scared right now.
What if I messed up?
Big time.
I’m mostly afraid that
I’m actually admitting these words-
even more so: on paper.
I don’t know what to do with myself.
I never did.
You didn’t know what to do with me either.
I don’t blame you.
I look back on it now,
surprised with how long you stuck around.
I was such a miserable person,
you were my only good.
When it was over,
neither of us went through pain,
at least, I don’t recall it.
I didn’t think I needed it then,
but now I know I do.
I need some kind of closure.
Do you still think about the good times?
    Just like I do?
Do you miss the things that used to be ours?
    I know I do.I wish I could know what you felt
when we spoke, or when you saw my smile.
Because I know a part of me is vulnerable
to you when I see that grin.
You know, I still think we were great.
Don’t get me wrong, I am happy.
There are things that are going well,
and that I wouldn’t change.
But when I see all that,
it makes me wonder even more-
why I still need you.
Why do I want you to be my backup?
When my mind wanders off and
I picture my future,
why do I still fit you into it?
I guess, emotionally,
I never worked well alone.
The last time I actually was…
You and I both know;
I wouldn’t make it out alive.
Maybe I just desire that something about you.
But I guess, what I’m trying to say, is that;
You know I miss you… right?