Dear Life, I am so sorry.

For wishing you were something different,
For saying all of those terrible, hateful things about you,
For hating you so much that I wanted you gone.
I didn’t want to have anything to do with you.
And I tried, but you never let me leave,
And I hated you even more for that.

Instead, you gave me a brother.
A child I could never abandon,
A little boy who held happiness in his eyes,
A boy whose joy seeped into my wounds
And for a second,
Made my world a better place.

Then you gave me a friend.
But not just any friend, this one was special.
So special, that two-hundred miles could not keep us apart.
The distance didn’t stop the love.
And his love for my miserable soul kept me sane.
I knew I couldn’t just give up someone like that.

I never understood you and
I probably never will.
But I am so sorry that I had never loved you.
I never found the joy in you,
Or the happiness,
Or the pleasure,
I was never satisfied with you.
I knew I didn’t have it worst,
But I still couldn’t handle you.
All I felt from you was the pain and sadness.
The madness that you sent through my head,
I absolutely hated it.

I am incredibly sorry
And now, incredibly thankful.
I was blind to your greatness but
Now I can see everything.
The colors are more vibrant and
The laughter is louder
The love is stronger and
The hugs, more compassionate.
My smiles are real and when I say, “I’m happy”, I mean it.

I don’t know what you did
Or how you changed my mind,
But I thank you.
I don’t know how you did it.

Maybe this was your plan all along.
You put me in a darkened room with
A few pretty bursts of light here and there.
I thought they were happiness
And then all of the light faded,
You took everything away.
And when you decided I was ready,
You welcomed me into a new place
A place I can’t completely describe
But in this new room, I am alive.

I used to be able to sleep,
But now being awake is so much more enjoyable.
Thank you for finally letting me in on
The secret that I have been envious of for so long.
Thank you for making me wait.
I needed nothing in order to appreciate everything.

I understand that you can’t keep me happy all of the time.
You’ll send some more challenges my way.
But as long as you promise to keep showing me the good,
I will be forever grateful.

Life, I sincerely love you.
Forever yours, for as long as you’ll have me,
                -Julie