The flashing lights and deafening sirens are blaring inside my body as if ive over stepped some boundary keeping me safe inside this invisible jail. I know this is my bodys way of telling me to stop opening up that its somehow not safe, if i choose to ignore it do i have the right to complain when i get hurt? My words only flow and sound the right way when i write it down on paper or save it as a memo, i am not a normal person for i cant hold up a simple conversation for longer than a minute until i freeze and get ****** back into my mind. And i can draw a happy clown face and cover it with lies that speak that everything is going fine, but eventually the makeup starts to run and im left with the truth thats been waiting for this minute. Ive told myself over and over again to not fall in love because how fair is it to make someone deal with you when your emotions change like the waves of the ocean crashing against the bay. Theres a tsunami going inside your brain, it conjurs lies and false perceptions and i cant even begin to explain. It seems my begining to this road to recovery was also my end.