I was sitting on the ledge
that borders the outside of drumlin hall
and what if I just leaned back
what if I just leaned far enough
to
f a l l

would someone catch me
and I always think about this stuff

like today when I was driving to class
I thought why not just swerve the wheel left and gun it into the iced over lake
instead I kept 55
still alive in the right lane
still have a chest heavy full of pain

because I have a time frame
and stupid obligations like class and a degree
and the pursuit of making a life for me

head towards taconic hall
with grateful deads "ripple"
blasting through my headphones
droning out the noise and bustle
of all these people

in psych203
my ink pen runs out during the exam
so I shake it hoping it will write more
about the paradigm shift
and collaborative efforts.

I rack my brain for answers but
all I can think about is getting a different writing instrument

so my essay is half black and half white impression on the page
the product:
an interracial answer

head to Hudson hall for coffee
might save the life of me,
but instead I see that group of guys
who spew cat calls and looks of googly eyes sizing me up and down

veer left instead of right
to avoid shameful clowns

outside my breath makes
mist
outside my skin makes
for an unworthy protection against
the cold

so I hold ground
what would be up without coming down

say bottoms up
say stay ****** up
say upside down
say what comes around goes around

because as I tread on, some other girl
in knee high suede
is swamped by those kids.