chained up on a visceral boomerang to your apathy -
disembody, then shrivel back into my chest.
infested with a vile peanut gallery
snickering in the belly of my ears.
cursed with an over-active mental ***** reflex,
born with the habit of re-ingesting bile and lies.
gag-order on the heart so it doesn't whip me
with it's crown of thorns
twisted from plucking the horns of dead roses.
he loves me, he has no room for me,
beyond the tip-tap of trembling bones upon his shoulder.
i've trimmed myself down with neglect,
i've perfected the presentation of deception
as a romantic encounter,
monotonous plunging of doubt across layers of skin.
carouseling a patch-worked mantra of ambivalence,
motion sickness riding on my collarbone dressed with a grin
heaving and green.
i caught whiplash from sneaking glances at you
while creating the illusion
that i was forever turning away -
always leaving, always shaking out a no,
always building up a wax paper wall
(always clumsy, always patching holes with cotton).
i'm wasting away on the offerings you drop at the pit of my stomach:
all lead anvils and hurricanes.
i wish i could carve out the part of me that thinks of you,
drown it in cyanide, and mock it's funeral with fireworks.
i am toddler-tantrum-flinging my limbs wild at the sky,
eyes pinched shut, and teeth blooding my lips.
loving you tastes of salt and iron,
what a balanced palette for dining on a soul.