Fear is eating away at my stomach,
And dissolving my brain.
So much so that the ability to think straight, eat, sleep, have all become a challenge.
A toxic mixture of fear and confusion are what's eating at my brain now.
Hey, at least for once it's not the drugs right?
There are two of me.
One says, the optimistic one, that it'll all be okay, and to just go with this.
The other, well, she doesn't like the look of this.
One is all lovey dovey, and the other is so scared of being stabbed in the back that she'd rather just sit in my room all day and ignore the fact that he exists.
She's always saying that this one is smart, he's not like the predictable idiots from the past. He's actually proven this time and time again, so its not just an assumption that he's a genius. This makes him so much more charming, and he has so much to offer, but it also makes him incredibly unpredictable.
Now that, that is some unknown territory for the both of us.
It bugs them both so much that they can't simply read his mind like the others. That they can't predict his every move days, or even weeks beforehand.
I've come to terms with the fact that the optimistic one is a *******. She always falls for stupid games. The other, she's not so dim, but even she is teetering on the edge for once. Teetering between trusting, and running the **** away.
That is a first for her, she never faulters, ever.
I haven't listened or taken heed of her words in the past. It's always left me unhappy, alone, and feeling stupid. She's the practical one, the one the never listens to her emotions.
The ******* on the other hand? Emotions rule her every decision, she's a fool. Listening to her has never gotten me anywhere good.
For once I'm listening to the practical one, and for the first time, even she's baffled by this oddity.
One cares to much, the other, usually doesn't even care as to whether she or anyone else dies.
Even she worries about him.
He may be smart, but he's just as ****** up. Just as likely to do the things I would. Just as likely to be utterly unpredictable. That, is terrifying.
I may love someone one day, but if they decide to stab me in the back, I'll still love them. However, I'll never speak to them again, and whenever they're around a fire will start inside of me. That continuously burns until they're so uncomfortable they feel the need to leave.
I may love him, but trusting is an altogether different thing for me. It only takes one mistake to destroy it and never gain it back. I'm always on high alert, and I refuse to take chances.
I believe this is the only thing that will keep me safe, but at what cost?