I'm not quite sure where I stand with my emotions
Or where I just stand
If you look straight at me you will see that I am whole
But if you stand off to the side you will see that I am paper thin
Hoping that the wind doesn't blow too hard otherwise it will carry me away
I'm not quite sure why pain needs to be felt
Or why I feel so much of it
I just know that when I came to you drunk and uneasy you looked at me and somehow kept me together
I want to go to you but that would mean releasing my demons and they aren't properly trained yet
I'm not quite sure why I put the knife to my arm this time
Or why I didn't call you
I just know that my own expectations and seeing Kai's mom put me into a state that kills me from the outside in
So I started with my skin
I'm not sure why I fail to stay clean
I just know that life has to be more than this
And if I can't recognize that, I will continue to fall
I stayed for Kai
Now that she is gone
I have to learn to stay for myself
I'm not quite sure why I'm still here
Or why I haven't left yet
But I'm going to find out