Sorrow and wanting are my only friends. Each day is a struggle just to get going. I want to forget, but I can't. I must live with the things I have done. I run the problems through my mind a thousand times but it still makes me sick. How I caused such pain, I cannot begin to imagine. I thought it was ok, I didn't think I would go that far, but now I must deal with the train wreck I have made of my life. Penance is far from me, and I am not sure how forgiveness works. I only know that I hurt and that my sorrow will not end. So I struggle to make it through the day. Each day that passes does not distance me from the tragedy. I ask the question a hundred times, does anyone know how do I forgive myself?