We have never talked
About when you kissed me.

Did you think it was a mistake?
I'm too much of a mess
To take care of.

But still on quiet nights,
After I become clean
And rid myself of tears,
I long for happiness.
I find it in thoughts of you.

Those thoughts don't lead to much
I sometimes try to act on them,
But then the happiness is eclipsed by fear.
And my fear is always crippling.

So instead I turn to what people think of as fear.
Instead I long for dreams of
Clowns chasing me with an ax.