Let me tell you a story.
It's about a girl,
just about eleven.

and her first year in middle school just started out
just,
so,
well.

she was happy, funny, bright, hard working, but like everyone else,
she had flaws. But she didn't hate herself.
she had no emotional illnesses.

one day, a boy she hardly knew asked her out.
she was flustered.
she said no, out of panic and the fact that she didn't know him.

later, he got her number and they talked.
she told him everything about her and was honest.
she could be weird and the boy made her happy.
she eventually started liking the boy.

the boy asked her out again.
the girl was tempted to say yes, but she was only eleven,
and what did she know about boyfriends?
she decided to say no.

the boy and the girl texted everyday,
although they were shy with each other at school.
she thought she was having the best year of her life.

Christmas came around.
the girl, wanting to get the boy a present,
asked him what he wanted.

he said he wanted a girlfriend for Christmas.
the girl hesitated, but he wanted a girlfriend- she thought-
she said yes, and became his girlfriend.

everyday was like heaven to her.
they hugged, and it felt like she was dreaming.
she was filled with pure joy,
each day of her life could not get any better.

the girl got attached to her boyfriend.
they texted as soon as they got home from school until dawn.
they fell asleep with "goodnights" and a smile on their face.

the girl was purely happy.

now, this continued for several months,
and the girl would get occasionally mad at the boy.
it wouldn't last a day,
because she was so obsessed with him,
but the boy never apologized.
the girl didn't like that,
but because she liked him so much,
she forgave him each and every time.

the Golden Age of their relationship was January.
they texted from sunrise to midnight.
they gave each other presents.
the girl said "ily" occasionally.

she really did mean it,
if one knows love at the age of eleven.


the girl thought that their relationship would last forever.

but February came around along with Valentine's.
the boy stopped texting her as often,
and the girl,
being so in love,
still texted the boy every day.

non,
stop.

the girl began to cry at nights.
she thought the boy had moved on.
she cried.
she couldn't bear the thought of being without him,
because she felt so loved.
she trusted him with everything, yet the boy...
he didn't like her as much as she liked him.

the girl was overjoyed when the boy would finally text her.
even though she felt unstable about their relationship,
she couldn't imagine breaking up with him.

March second.
The girl had a friend.
her friend was a boy, and he went by the name of Lettuce.
Lettuce was also her boyfriend's friend.
The girl started telling Lettuce everything,
from her deepest worries
and her corniest jokes.

but she still loved the boy.
she was twelve by this time.

March second.
the girl decided to take a depression test
because she felt so devastated when she thought that
her boyfriend had moved on.

it turns out that she did have depression,
anxiety,
and high levels of stress.
she told Lettuce.

but,
she had problems with Lettuce as well.
all she wanted was someone whom she could tell everything to,
no matter how weird or sad it was.
but she could tell Lettuce didn't really care.

but she continued to text him because she had no one else.

March sixth.
the girl was to meet the boy's teacher after school.
it was a Friday.
she walked to the classroom full of hope.
her friends walked down the ramp,
with the boy a few paces behind them.

I'm sorry,
the girl's friend said.
The boy likes someone else now.
He doesn't know if he likes you anymore,
they said.

the girl felt the world crumbling beneath her.
she was numb, and it couldn't seem real.

she stared at the boy, who walked past her,
staring at her.

she couldn't believe it.
I have to be strong, she told herself.

but all she could think about when she walked back to her locker was-
what am I going to do without him?

she felt the hot tears.
it took a moment for the truth to sink in,
and when it did,
the tears came.
they dripped down her cheeks, and she cried silently,
not for the first time that week.

she felt shaky. unstable. unsure. alone.
alone to face the world.

she staggered to her blue locker and gently laid her head on it.
she didn't have the energy to turn the lock.

she cried.

her friends came up to her and said,
I'm sorry. It's okay. You'll find someone else.

but he was all that I ever wanted, she thought.
the words of reassurance made her cry harder
because she knew,
it was not okay.

she told herself,
be strong.

even after the incident,
the boy told the girl he still liked her although he liked someone else also.
the girl still loved him.

she even thought about asking him out.
she hugged him occasionally,
out of courage,
but regretted it deeply later.

for she knew that her affections wouldn't get returned.
but she still tried.

she was depressed.

she screenshotted posts about depression, love, loss, and relationships.
she still texted the boy- they were still dating then-
but she had to make a hard choice.

i broke up with him on March twelfth.
it was the hardest decision.
i felt cold and lonely afterwards.
alone.

completely,
alone.

but that's not the end.
the boy liked my friend-
the friend that was perfect-
and i felt worthless.
i felt not good enough.
i felt more depressed then ever,
crying myself to sleep every night.

i thought about taking my life.

you see,
all the poems I write
are about me,
my experiences,
my memories,
my feelings.
please respect them,
because those were real emotions.