While my mind is whirl wind of thoughts, images, emptiness, memories, and absence...
my body is calm and collected.
Well worded and poetic.
A rhythm of consistency and gentleness.
My body is smooth and comforting while my head spins uncontrollably.
My skin is quiet while my muscles are numb and my bones are shattering.
Ear to ear my smile glows but the blood spills through the breaks between my teeth.
This is what it is and this is how it's been.
I don't want pity, I just want days.
Deep days with quiet emotions that carve far beneath my veins.
I want a salty cry to swell in my throat and begin to crawl above.  
Not to feel emotion but just to feel alive.
To be human.
To feel the air in my lungs and the tension in my fists.
To feel present and connected.
To be here and now.