you wont stop haunting me in my dreams so listen now as I talk
you said I ran away from home but I’m more ashamed that I walked
I understand I failed you in drastic, uncountable ways
but I pay for it in carrying sadness through lengthening days
I pace this dingy house offering apologies to your ghost
now I see that all you ever asked, was for me to want you most
and I am humbled and regretful and tortured with sorrow
now I lose my sleep to the nightmares and I fear my tomorrows
I know I borrowed from you more than I can ever repay
so now I lie sleepless under the weight of the ways you think I betrayed

your heart, our son, the wedding vows spoken
the closeness, the trust, the every promise broken

please let go of me in my dreams, please leave me
please let me sleep without the terrors that beat me
believe me I never meant to color this hate in your white heart
and I never meant for the widow to ever be your part
I wasn’t sure what I was doing, I didn’t know where I was headed
I couldn’t see the road before me, I couldn’t predict the loss to be regretted
I am sorry, deeply, I am all apologies please believe me
never again would I ask you to have to love or need me
I concede, I give in, give me needed rest within
and I will give you forever in apologetic rhetoric just let me begin
we were corrupted, love interrupted, and it was abrupt but release me
please, I am ground into pieces, this never ceases, stop cheating me

I am so sorry for what I took when I walked out that door
I will give you back all that you can carry, all you ask for and more
I offer you solace in every regret I drag and I will drag them until I have sores
I am so sorry I was the one you married but please, let me sleep once more