No one born too far from Niedersachsen, said Oma, ever quite captures their sing-song intonation. Characterized by subtleties, like an umlauted vowel, all non-native imitations sound inevitably as ****** as would a cry of “ello, guv’nah!” in a London coffee shop.
Her Plattdeutsch instincts neutered by decades abroad, married to a son of Milwaukee, her permanent, dormant longing for Salzgitter awakes only to trigger hunger pangs of irreconcilable nostalgia at the passing whiff of a Germantown bakery.
She taught me the word “sehnsucht” over lukewarm coffee and a pause in our conversation: a compound word that no well-intentioned English translation could render faithfully. It isn’t the same as just longing, she sighed— longing is curable. Sehnsucht holds the fragments of an imperfect world and laments that they are patternless. How the soul yearns vaguely for a home remembered only in the residual ache of incomplete childhood fancies; futile as the ruins of an ancient, annihilated people. How life’s staccato joys soothe a heart sore from the world, yet the existential hunger, gnawing from the malnourished stomach of the bruised human psyche, remains— insatiable, eternal.
Long enough ago, a reasonably-priced bus ride away from the red-roofed apartment in which she babbled her first words, a kindly old man in a pharmacy asked her about her peculiar, exotic accent. Once inevitably prompted with the question of where she was from, she responded only that she was a tourist off the beaten track.
And when I pointed out, to my immediate regret, that she gets the same question back here in Ohio, I realized then that, not once, has she ever referred to the way the people of her pined-for hometown spoke as though she had ever belonged to it.