Sep 2015
it doesn’t matter if the relationship lasted for a few days or went on for years, whether you got dumped or you’re the one who broke up, the thing is when you lose someone you were attached to at some level, it’s going to hurt, bad. Studies have shown that an emotional pain, specifically a heart-break, stimulates similar parts of your brain as physical pain. So, what do you do when you get physically hurt? Ignore it, suppress it or avoid looking at it? The fact of the matter is, it’s there and no matter how much you try to ignore it, it won’t stop hurting. Just like a visible wound takes time and effort to heal, so does emotional pain. You need to pick yourself up, help yourself recover from it, be amenable. Here is some advice which will help speed up the process.
1. Take your time and mourn
There is no such thing as ‘just get over it’, as much as we would all like it to exist, it doesn’t. You can’t just ask yourself to stop feeling something and your brain would oblige and the switch would go off. However, you can try and put a lid on it, but you will eventually break down and it will be harder regaining your strength from that. So don’t blame yourself for feeling sad, angry, hurt; whatever it is that you’re feeling, you are a human being not a robot, cry your heart out if you want to, just feel it! We all have different coping mechanisms, we recover at our own pace, so don’t compare your progress to someone else’s, don’t think you’re a weak person just because you’re taking longer than what you think is the ideal time to grieve, take as much time as you need, as long as you’re improving.
as hard as it might be,
you need to accept that it’s over and there is no going back. If you are the one who broke up, don’t try to rethink your decision, this happens when you start thinking about all the good times you had with your partner making all the reasons you broke up seem insignificant; or if you got dumped, don’t try scheming all the ways to get them back, you’ll lose your self-respect, try getting yourself back instead. Think of all the reasons you two didn’t work out, don’t obsess over it, make peace with it and make efforts to move in the forward direction instead of going backwards.
Let yourself be angry
Anger is the second most dominant feeling after a break up, the first is sadness of course. You might be angry at yourself for giving them so many chances, wasting your time, making mistakes etc or angry at them for hurting you, taking you for granted etc. Whatever the reason is, anger is an inevitable emotion after a split. What you need to do is, channel this anger in the right direction. Go running, get a punching bag or just scream and let it out. Getting over anger is very important, don’t be too aggressive and harm yourself or someone around you, give it a safe passage, just release it.
Vent out to someone close
Surround yourself with positive people, people who make you happy, who add value to your life. Happiness can be contagious. Also, talking about your feelings is important, so speak your heart out to someone you can trust, who is compassionate, who will understand your state and tell them everything you feel. Let them help you, don’t shut them out. People who mean well for you, will make every effort to make you feel better, don’t turn them down. Talk to them, spend time with them. Once you can talk about it without crying a river, know that you’re almost there.
1. Take your time and mourn
There is no such thing as ‘just get over it’, as much as we would all like it to exist, it doesn’t. You can’t just ask yourself to stop feeling something and your brain would oblige and the switch would go off. However, you can try and put a lid on it, but you will eventually break down and it will be harder regaining your strength from that. So don’t blame yourself for feeling sad, angry, hurt; whatever it is that you’re feeling, you are a human being not a robot, cry your heart out if you want to, just feel it! We all have different coping mechanisms, we recover at our own pace, so don’t compare your progress to someone else’s, don’t think you’re a weak person just because you’re taking longer than what you think is the ideal time to grieve, take as much time as you need, as long as you’re improving.
as hard as it might be,
you need to accept that it’s over and there is no going back. If you are the one who broke up, don’t try to rethink your decision, this happens when you start thinking about all the good times you had with your partner making all the reasons you broke up seem insignificant; or if you got dumped, don’t try scheming all the ways to get them back, you’ll lose your self-respect, try getting yourself back instead. Think of all the reasons you two didn’t work out, don’t obsess over it, make peace with it and make efforts to move in the forward direction instead of going backwards.
Let yourself be angry
Anger is the second most dominant feeling after a break up, the first is sadness of course. You might be angry at yourself for giving them so many chances, wasting your time, making mistakes etc or angry at them for hurting you, taking you for granted etc. Whatever the reason is, anger is an inevitable emotion after a split. What you need to do is, channel this anger in the right direction. Go running, get a punching bag or just scream and let it out. Getting over anger is very important, don’t be too aggressive and harm yourself or someone around you, give it a safe passage, just release it.
Vent out to someone close
Surround yourself with positive people, people who make you happy, who add value to your life. Happiness can be contagious. Also, talking about your feelings is important, so speak your heart out to someone you can trust, who is compassionate, who will understand your state and tell them everything you feel. Let them help you, don’t shut them out. People who mean well for you, will make every effort to make you feel better, don’t turn them down. Talk to them, spend time with them. Once you can talk about it without crying a river, know that you’re almost there.
