Permanency can go **** itself.
Remember when you were fifteen
When you were all yellow teeth and bad poetry.
You were in love with death back then.
Thought she was some beauty -
Some backless dress
Some lipstick stain
Now she's stretched in front of you like a black, endless void.
All broken fingers.
All self blame.
All midnight drives to ditches only deep enough to call shallow graves.
She's like walking across a dried up lake bed.
Moments before the water returns.
Drown.
He's never going to see me get married
Sometimes I think about suffocating myself.
Thumb to index finger
Crushing larynx
Straddling my own chest.
Break it open.
Imagine me carcass roadside
Ribs crushed, pulled apart, what kind of cage doesn't know how to hold things together.
There will be blood on the sidewalk.
He's never going to meet my children.
Now you're nineteen
And you are all bad spelling and coffee stains
When the body experiences trauma sometimes all it needs to process is to shake hard enough -
enough though.
What is. Enough.
Just endless vibrating.
Breath in throat.
I can't.
I can't.
Breathe.
Tomorrow they are pulling his plug at 1 o clock.
Like plans for brunch.
Expect to not be able to keep this meal down.
You will return to it.
Over and over.
Like a dog to its own *****