It's so strange
To look at someone I adore
Someone I want to spend forever with
Who makes me so ******* happy
and think

I don't think we are right for each other
I should leave before it gets more serious
I'm not sure about this
It's gonna hurt him so ******* bad
Do I even still love him?

It's been over a year
Thirteen months, ten days, and twenty hours to be exact
and I am still so
*******
scared

There are times when I spend the entire day
practicing my break-up speech
I go over and over the words so they won't hurt as much when I say them

There are other days when I can't keep my hands off him
and he makes me laugh and love him more than anything
but it's still in the back of my mind
I'm a horrible person who can't hold on to the best thing that ever happened to her