What if instead of fighting nature we had followed through
And became something bigger than just me and you?
What if we hadn’t chosen based on fear and uncertainty?
Do you wonder every time you look at me?
I know you can see it in my eyes
The curiosity and doubt
Do you find yourself surprised?
What I was once with I am now without
It’s so much different to be more than one
To house a living baby inside
To know it’s growing
Be afraid of your stomach showing
And wondering how everything will be alright
It’s a big feeling
To know that parts of us both were growing inside
A little of you and a little of me
Knowing there would be no other way to hide
We were too young and too naïve
Not grown up enough for that kind of life to lead
Not mature enough to know what to do
Not old enough to face reality
So we ran
Fled across the state to a place with laws more lenient
A place more accepting where I could be anonymous
You didn’t want me to leave your side
Afterwards I cried and cried and cried
I went from two heartbeats to one
In a decision that can’t be undone
You gripped me so tightly when the nurse called my name
You wouldn’t eat, you wouldn’t sleep
And since then nothing has been the same
I stood to follow the nurse and prepare for surgery
I’ll never forget how you held on to me
You were just as scared as me
And in your eyes I crumbled instantly
You let go and the rest is a blur
I woke up sometime later in a room full of women
I sobbed uncontrollably
In the waiting room you ran to me
You helped me walk to the car
Past the protesters and their condemning signs
Out of the building and out of a memory I wanted to put behind
But the signs
They follow me constantly
A pregnant woman, a baby, billboards and news
The guilt isn’t new to me
The judging looks I received
The fear I believed it would take away
Instead I’m left with a feeling everyday
That reminds me of what I’ve done
I took the heartbeat of two and turned it into one
We were too damn young
And way too afraid
Too childish to understand the choices we made
Too childish for a child
But to feel that heartbeat ever so mild
And then for it to disappear
I’m lost without it here
I miss you