One of my closest friends Is an alcoholic He drinks and drinks Until he passes out Or until he cannot remember Anything that had happened Jack and Coke Jagerbombs And bottles of beer There is an imprint on the couch Of his big, fat *** The same couch he sits Every day and night Drinking away his life His friends His family Himself He has his personal bar stool At all of the bars in town And the bartenders know his name And they know his favorite drinks And his horrible jokes And he sits there by himself And drinks himself Into a coma Or until he passes out My closest friend is an alcoholic But he is also suicidal Instead of hoping to get killed He drinks by himself And get drunk again Because drinking is better than Not drinking at all