I'm lost in the relevance of you...
Of holding you in the dark.. Tracing little circles...
Of waking up to your coffee... as
I sat on your couch and we watched the news... my head against your shoulders
I realized that I've always loved you in this way... a shocking epiphany...
To love someone for 20 years and never have them... to never know that's what this was...
And now I know... I can do nothing about it...
You are there and I am here... so far away
There's so much space between us..
I sat there staring at your face and realized that I've loved you from that very first time I met you...
As I sobbed on the plane last night... leaving you and the knowledge that you are the one that I'll never have....
And all I want is a different life with you... waking up next to you with 8 more minutes to sleep...
Feeling you holding your breath as I run my fingers across your chest in the cool blackness....
I'm burning these moments in my most precious memories....
Wanting you to call and say " please come back to Boston".....
I'm missing you so much already...

E.J.M.